why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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