he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
