i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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