Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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