I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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