apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
