the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
