Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
