I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
