Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
