I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We don't watch enough power rangers
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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