Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
