They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
