I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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