yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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