At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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