Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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