You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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