No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
