Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
