Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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