I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
