Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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