how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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