I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
