we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
