you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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