i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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