She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
