shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
