i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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