At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
