i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
