are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
