As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
