Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
