Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
