I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
