This is not my ceiling
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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