Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize