He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Vodka?
Forever.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
