Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
