I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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