we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
