I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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