): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
