i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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