he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you didnt know i had herpes?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
