singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
