I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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