He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
