I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
