Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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