My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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