Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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