Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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