I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
