i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
