Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
