you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
