please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize