Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
