I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
