Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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