my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
