yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
