Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
