so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
