I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
