I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
