Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm too high and old for this...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
