apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
