your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
