: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
