You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
