Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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