Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
