I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just google imaged poop.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize