I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
