how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
