Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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