I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
