I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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