I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
